This file mostly contains ideas for in game content
* The Turnip
An idea for a satire newspaper inspired by The Onion
- A new Linux distro has been announced to make it more like Windows since Linux is `too hard'. It has plenty of new Windows-like features.
First up is the new package format, an SQL relational database. Based on Windows design principals, those make the perfect package format.
The structure is so damn easy and transparent we had to invent an XML to SQL converter to use it.
We also simplified the part that determines the directory layout. Instead of storing the files in a directory tree that represents the root directory to
figure out where everything goes. You now give each and every file its own sql table where you enter all the details about all those individual files,
in that table you give it a reference to an external key which is stored in a separate table called the directory table, where you list every single
directory known to man (or at least the package file).
As for the package database itself, we'll just do what Windows does and dump the contents of ram to disk because it's faster.
Also, the new installation system is self updating, but can't update itself while it's running, so you need to find some way to run it without running it.
How do you use this new easy to use installer to install packages you ask? with this simple and easy to use C function of course:
LinInstInstallPackageEx(LPTSTR lpPackageName, LPTSTR lpPackagePath, BOOL sync, BOOL upgrade, DWORD reserved, LPSECURITY_ATTRIBUTES lpSecurityAttributes, LPMYSTERY lpMysteryPointer);
here is the descriptions of the parameters
lpPackageName: name of package in repo to install. Set this to NULL when installing from a file
lpPackagePath: path to package file to install, set this to NULL when installing from a repo
sync: whether to update the package database first
upgrade: whether to upgrade all the packages first
reserved: reserved, must be 0
lpSecurityAttributes: security attributes to set, you probably don't have any, so set this to NULL
lpMysteryPointer: No idea what this does, so just set this to NULL
here's an example of the function in action
LinInstInstallPackageEx("gimp", NULL, 0, 0, 0, NULL, NULL);
Yep, all those NULLs and 0s are totally necessary
We even revamped the shell to behave more like cmd.exe since Windows is clearly easier to use, and therefore making the cli like Windows will make it easier
We changed `#' to behave like `:' on some systems but not on other systems
The shell now reads the entire file, executes the first command, reads the entire file again, executes the next command, reads the entire file again, executes the next command, etc.
You're supposed to get to the previous command in the history by hitting down instead of up occasionally right?
Command prompt windows are now limited to 80 columns in width, because nobody uses anything longer than that right?
Instead of putting our executables in one standard location, we decided to spread them out across different directories. so instead of typing `somecommand',
you're now typing `/c/Program Files (x86)/My Awesome Program/Some Command'. Isn't that way better?
All that crap and more.
- A new college has opened up, teaching you highly advanced programming skills such as using scanf for input and using Microsoft products
- The copyright industry has brought back the breaking wheel as punishment for piracy. Many human rights groups question the ethics of this punishment while the copyright industry's supporters,
mostly just parroting the copyright industry,
say they need to be tough on piracy and that it's their own fault for pirating stuff so it's totally justified.
- MIT has released a new windowing system called X. It follows the Unix philosophy of `doing one thing and doing it well'.
And by that we mean it will manage your I/O ports and PCI Devices, do power management, be its own print server,
be an a.out/COFF/ELF interpreter, and more. They made X network transparent, by putting the X server on the local machine,
and the window manager on the remote machine. That's gotta be efficient right? The default installation brings the best desktop
environment Unix has to offer, a single window with a command prompt. They even added Xprint support to glxgears so you can see
how many pages your printer can print per second.
- Election Results: Our new president is Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho, I mean Donald Trump.
- Database Leak: We had to do a password reset on all of our subscribers. Details on how that happened:
#+begin_src latex :exports code
Good news from Pegasus Sim Lavatories. As part of this new update, We've included a password harvester as "DRM" that will run
on everyone's ^[^?^[^?every pirate's ^[^?^[^?^[^?this one file sharer's system. It transfers their password database to a secure
system securely (Sending it over plain HTTP in base64 to a Windows Server with RDP exposed to the world is considered "secure" right?).
We promise it won't trigger on our paying customers' systems this time (Not that we actually fixed that). Enjoy our new update!!!^Xh^?Just a normal update, nothing to see here
Looks safe to me
*tries to apply the update, "real time" antivirus goes off*
Oh who cares what you think, you're just some antivirus that I rely on
*disables the antivirus and applies it anyway*
also, maybe hacking Chromium to act as our password database wasn't such a good idea
- Someone invented a time machine and brought an old Lisper from olden times into the future.
Here's what he had to say about the wonders of modern technology
`What the fuck happened?'
He was amazed with today's computer software that is more complex, less customizable and extendable, harder to debug, and lags all the time. But at least hardware got a lot faster.
- GNU Hurd removes support for directories. RMS's reasoning is "Directories are a hack. Just put prefixes in front of your filenames everywhere"
- A car company that produced cars that ran on water and was fully automated just went out of business.
Many customers said that despite it being cheaper, faster, more miles to the gallon, and the fact it could drive itself,
they were unable to use it because they didn't want to learn something other than a steering wheel and gas pedals,
and the fact that it used ogg instead of mp3 and therefore "wasn't compatible".
- Someone has leaked the entire Mathematica source code online. A single lisp file implementing M Expressions as a reader macro.
One of the SBCL maintainers commented "I have no idea why Steven Wolfram wrote this.
The Lisp community abandoned that syntax for a reason."
- For profit university sues The International Obfuscated C Code Contest for copyright infringement.
Despite the contestants never laying eyes on the university's code in their life,
the code looks eerily similar to what the scientists at the university wrote.
- You see a bunch of people with Windows and Mac laptops, mostly refugees from GNOME. One half were scared back to Windows and the other half wanted a real Mac.
- Freddy Fazbear jumps up!!! *LOUD SCREECH!!!*. Ok, apparently jumpscares don't work very well in text based games.
- Good news, Our Brainwashing^[^?Regression therapy service is now sponsored by the Music And Film Association of America (aka MAFIAA)
and so we're now bundling a few new services with it, so we need you to put up these `motivational posters' in the regression therapy room
*looks through the propaganda posters*
`Sharing Is Piracy'
`Drm Is Your Friend And Only Affects Pirates'
`The Raspberry Pi Is An Illegal Streaming Device Filled With Malware'
Doesn't this cross a line?
Good point *puts up the posters*
- Ok, these people have been brainwashing people for the MAFIAA. We need a way to debrainwash them. Any ideas?
Well, it turns out that the concept of brainwashing is total bullshit and doesn't really work, but that doesn't really matter
as long as the victim is stupid enough. As for fixing this, maybe we could convince them that we can talk to plants.
It worked when they believed those Brawndo commercials
- Btw, we had an entire storyline for this game where you receive this device, but we decided to just do what 4Kids did,
throw all that out and just claim that you had this device all this time but just forgot about it. Makes sense right?
- Player: We're trapped
Ally 1: Don't worry I got someone to help us
Player: Is that a helicopter fursona?
Helicopter: Nah, I'm just helisexual
Ally 2: Who cares? We got an attack helicopter on our side!!!
Helicopter: Sorry, I can't join the battle, this game's code only supports 2 genders
*Prison wall behind them collapses*
Ally 2: He broke the 4th wall! we're free!
* Ideas from a dream I had
- Candle Carnival :: An amusement park located in the sky, has a giant pool, various rides, and is powered by monkeys
- Sky Base :: A giant base located in orbit, has a main structure with various platforms attached to it, similar to the Comet Observatory in Super Mario Galaxy, but bigger with the platforms
spread farther apart. Has a special gravity simulator that pulls you back up if you fall off, kinda like a trampoline. You can use this to move between various platforms
- Star City :: A giant city in space. All the buildings and parks are on floating platforms. You use a space ship or jetpack to travel between the different platforms
- Flying Mansion :: A mansion in the middle of the sky
* Idea from Karmen
ever thought about making a sort of "haunted forest" place?
i was thinking something like, a giant forest that is home to a bunch of spiders and covered nearly head to toe in webs. there's plenty of tales of untold goodies hidden somewhere, but those who went in haven't come back. when you go in, you see that there cocoons everywhere, and the spiders are biting them repeatedly. not to feed on them, but to make them use their bladder and bowels heavily. you can free the people from the cocoons and get good items for it as you make your way around, but the more you do the more of a chance of getting caught by a spider and getting cocooned yourself. you'd then be subjected to constant bites and wetting/messing in your diapers until you pass out and go to the last checkpoint and have to start over again
* Another idea from a dream
- It's one of those puzzles where you have to finish quests, but you need to finish them to unlock the potty before you flood and/or mess your pamps
* Add career
- if you leave a puddle or a mess, you get changed into a diaper and wear only that from the waist down for the rest of your shift and then clean up the mess you just made
* Make ghosts catchable and sellable to a collector
* Add catchable raptors that you can sell to a petting zoo where they get treated like baby t-rexes and are forced to wear diapers.
* Another part of the storyline
Basically, the Diapered Raccoon Bandits don't pay any form of taxes to their gang. Instead, every once a week there is a betting pool for whoever can keep their pamps clean through out the entire shift, where all the ones that do can divide the pool amongs themselves. Their "government" (aka their BDFL) also acts as a better who always gets counted as a winner regardless and therefore always gets a cut, solving the funding problem for the raccoons not paying any taxes. Of course, every single raccoon is convinced that they're "not some baby who uses their diapers all the time", so every single one of them always participates in the pool every single time. And of course, not a single raccoon apart from their BDFL ever came out of it with any free cash, ever, because none of them ever managed to keep their pamps dry even once. Ends up being much more lucrative than any form of taxes.